It's hard to believe that one year ago my world shattered in seconds. This past year has been a rough one. I never want to repeat it OR do I ever wish it upon anyone. All year when asked how old I was for someone reason, I always had to bite my tonge because I would almost say 34. I think because mentally I wanted the year to be over and behind us.
This year as I blow out my birthday candle, Caleb will also blow out a candle on his cake. It will symbolize one year since his diagnosis. As much as I don't like to think about it, a year ago he was days from death. His body was filled with leukemic cells and 34% of his blood stream. I look back at pictures on my phone of just days before diagnosis and that day and how did I not know. I can beat myself up about that as much as I want, but it won't change a thing. Who would've ever thought cancer, not me, nor did anyone else around me.
On March 12, 2012, I didn't have a child with cancer either (well, it wasn't known yet). That is why childhood cancer research is so important. There was a day that my only worries were working my butt off to support my son as a single mom, getting him a good education, paying bills to survive and get us by. Now, my worries are far more worse than I ever imagined. I don't want ANYONE to have to feel this way. I want kids to have the future that EVERY child deserves & every parent dreams of.
With all that has gone on over the last year, I do consider myself strong (but believe me, I have my weak moments too, more than I ever let others know). I always hear from family and friends that they don't know how I do this and deal with this everyday. When you are thrown into this world, you have NO choice. You deal with the good, the bad and the ugly of it. I remain hopeful, because without hope you don't have anything. But I also don't shield myself from the reality of it. That is why I think so many people are unaware. They don't like to face the reality of it. It is hard on anyone seeing an innocent child's life end so soon. When you put a face with a name, it leaves a picture in your mind. So many people contact me when I post about other kids losing their battle. It is harsh and is real and it is happening everyday. People don't want to think about it and sadly that is why these kids don't get the funding or research that is needed to help find a cure or at least better treatment options. Caleb still has two years and three months left of treatment and already I had someone call me the other day to send me information on "long term effects" of his treatment plan. The list of effects is sickening, but we will cross that bridge when we have to. One day at at time.
I never knew a child with cancer personally. And never in my wildest dreams imagined my own innocent child would have cancer. My active, healthy, never sick, sport fanatic 4 year old at the time. It still baffles me. Yet, when I sit down and rethink all of the symptoms he had at different times up to the 6-7 months prior now in hindsight and me being "aware" -- How did I NOT know?? I even hate using the "C" word. I don't use that word with Caleb. We say "Leukemia" or "My Blood is Sick", but we steer clear of that "C" word. Everyone knows what we associate the "C" word with. Kids don't think when they say things and the last thing I need is another kid to instill fear in my strong little boy. Caleb is getting older, kids talk. You get where I'm going with this.
These past two weeks have been really rough for our Arnold Palmer Family. Two of our youngest, yet strongest fighters gained their angel wings. They both fought their battle so hard. I know the statistics of seven children a day losing their battle. Any child losing their battle effects me personally now, but being one of our own, our "family" is really hard. It really puts things in perspective and you realize even more, tomorrow is not promised for anyone.
That is one life lesson I have learned and I know that a year ago, I didn't quite grasp it. If you want things, do them now. Tomorrow isn't promised. Don't wait till things are perfectly aligned. Not everything can be planned out or as "expected" because in moment, life as you know it can change. So live the life YOU want to live, and you will be happy living.
I am still becoming a Be The Match Ambassador. It is just taking me longer than I had expected to finish all that is expected of me. I am also in the process of starting a few things that I can't yet expand on, but it will help others. I feel like that is my purpose now. Everyone has purpose in their life and us experiencing this and Caleb having to go through this has opened my eyes to a lot more avenues. I am excited to see where all these plans and thoughts and ideas will go.
So as we wrap up this year behind us, we still have a long road ahead. I know my little boy is a fighter. He has proved that to us multiple times this year. He has grown so much. Much more than any 5 year old should have to at that point in their life. We've come this far because we have such a good support system. Thank You to all of you for your messages, texts, calls and prayers! Each of you have been an important part of his journey & thank you for staying on the path and following his journey with us.
Lady Antebellum
One Day You Will
And now it is.
This year as I blow out my birthday candle, Caleb will also blow out a candle on his cake. It will symbolize one year since his diagnosis. As much as I don't like to think about it, a year ago he was days from death. His body was filled with leukemic cells and 34% of his blood stream. I look back at pictures on my phone of just days before diagnosis and that day and how did I not know. I can beat myself up about that as much as I want, but it won't change a thing. Who would've ever thought cancer, not me, nor did anyone else around me.
On March 12, 2012, I didn't have a child with cancer either (well, it wasn't known yet). That is why childhood cancer research is so important. There was a day that my only worries were working my butt off to support my son as a single mom, getting him a good education, paying bills to survive and get us by. Now, my worries are far more worse than I ever imagined. I don't want ANYONE to have to feel this way. I want kids to have the future that EVERY child deserves & every parent dreams of.
With all that has gone on over the last year, I do consider myself strong (but believe me, I have my weak moments too, more than I ever let others know). I always hear from family and friends that they don't know how I do this and deal with this everyday. When you are thrown into this world, you have NO choice. You deal with the good, the bad and the ugly of it. I remain hopeful, because without hope you don't have anything. But I also don't shield myself from the reality of it. That is why I think so many people are unaware. They don't like to face the reality of it. It is hard on anyone seeing an innocent child's life end so soon. When you put a face with a name, it leaves a picture in your mind. So many people contact me when I post about other kids losing their battle. It is harsh and is real and it is happening everyday. People don't want to think about it and sadly that is why these kids don't get the funding or research that is needed to help find a cure or at least better treatment options. Caleb still has two years and three months left of treatment and already I had someone call me the other day to send me information on "long term effects" of his treatment plan. The list of effects is sickening, but we will cross that bridge when we have to. One day at at time.
I never knew a child with cancer personally. And never in my wildest dreams imagined my own innocent child would have cancer. My active, healthy, never sick, sport fanatic 4 year old at the time. It still baffles me. Yet, when I sit down and rethink all of the symptoms he had at different times up to the 6-7 months prior now in hindsight and me being "aware" -- How did I NOT know?? I even hate using the "C" word. I don't use that word with Caleb. We say "Leukemia" or "My Blood is Sick", but we steer clear of that "C" word. Everyone knows what we associate the "C" word with. Kids don't think when they say things and the last thing I need is another kid to instill fear in my strong little boy. Caleb is getting older, kids talk. You get where I'm going with this.
These past two weeks have been really rough for our Arnold Palmer Family. Two of our youngest, yet strongest fighters gained their angel wings. They both fought their battle so hard. I know the statistics of seven children a day losing their battle. Any child losing their battle effects me personally now, but being one of our own, our "family" is really hard. It really puts things in perspective and you realize even more, tomorrow is not promised for anyone.
That is one life lesson I have learned and I know that a year ago, I didn't quite grasp it. If you want things, do them now. Tomorrow isn't promised. Don't wait till things are perfectly aligned. Not everything can be planned out or as "expected" because in moment, life as you know it can change. So live the life YOU want to live, and you will be happy living.
I am still becoming a Be The Match Ambassador. It is just taking me longer than I had expected to finish all that is expected of me. I am also in the process of starting a few things that I can't yet expand on, but it will help others. I feel like that is my purpose now. Everyone has purpose in their life and us experiencing this and Caleb having to go through this has opened my eyes to a lot more avenues. I am excited to see where all these plans and thoughts and ideas will go.
So as we wrap up this year behind us, we still have a long road ahead. I know my little boy is a fighter. He has proved that to us multiple times this year. He has grown so much. Much more than any 5 year old should have to at that point in their life. We've come this far because we have such a good support system. Thank You to all of you for your messages, texts, calls and prayers! Each of you have been an important part of his journey & thank you for staying on the path and following his journey with us.
Thank You for the continued love, support and prayers!
Love,
Caleb's journey Video from August
Lady Antebellum
One Day You Will
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